Dark brown eyes with a hair colour that matches,
Chocolate brown skin, tampered with a few dark patches.
Skinny but healthy was my desired destination,
Chubby but beautiful, well, my grateful position.
Sometimes with a velvety baritone, I awake to the morning sun.
Other times, like soothing sweet waters, my sound brings pure fun.
Walking with shoulders squared, I defied timidity with every step
And when I was anxious, you could never tell the difference.
But it wasn’t always absolute confidence, just sheer mastery of the art of undetectable pretence.
To Who?… For What?… For How long?…
Questions swirling in surreal serenity for so many-a-days
But now to be splattered in several different ways.
“This” is whom I have become, birthed by the sights, sounds and experiences of yesterday.
For the fear of rejection, I denounced true values
Fleeing the piercing wrath of venomous tongues, I stood for nothing,
Watching as my loyalty was constantly bathed in slimy spittle,
And my trust shredded in the bin of meaningless delusions.
Your misguided insensitivity was but a decoy to cover your leprous complexities,
A stench that keeps you locked up in the dungeon of your insecurities.
In blind support of your callousness, I lost friends, family and trusted allies.
To all, I gave no care, until I awoke to the rude shock
That I had also lost ME.
But oh, how that reality liberated me! Once lost but now I am FOUND, blind, but now I SEE!
This illumination revives inexplicable hope.
Although tomorrow’s uncertainties still loom, staying focused on “here” may never get me “there” –
To the place that I desire.
Good or better, what does it matter?
It is better to live with HOPE than to die in shame.
Better to die believing in SOMETHING than to live standing for NOTHING of true VALUE.
So from here on, I take over the wheels and the seat of my life’s automobile.
I take charge of the control room of my mind, dictate my narratives and redefine my outcomes.
I am aware of whom I have become and I acknowledge it, I anticipate whom I am becoming so I commit to IT,
Showing up each day for it,
And never to give up until I WIN at it!