We’ve all heard the phrase, “Time heals all wounds.” It’s been around for centuries, suggesting that feelings of sadness, disappointment, hurt, and loss gradually fade over time (Merriam-Webster). Many of us use it as a hopeful reminder during tough times. Does time really heal all wounds?
Let’s think about it. For time to heal, a painful or traumatic event must have been that needs healing. But how exactly does time do that? Does the mere passing of years magically make us feel better?
As a Life Coach, I’ve met many people — including myself — who believed time had healed their wounds. We tell ourselves we’ve “made lemonade out of life’s lemons” (another popular phrase for hope in adversity). But often, when we take a closer look, the wounds are as fresh as the day they happened.
We typically distract ourselves — maybe with work, hobbies, or relationships. Everything seems fine until something triggers us, and suddenly, the pain rushes back, raw and unresolved.
I remember how much I used to hate the colour pink. I despised it so much that I wouldn’t go near anything pink, let alone own it. Years later, after undergoing a cognitive behavioural therapy course, I uncovered the reason: the last gift my father ever gave me was a pink shirt on my seventh birthday, and he passed away just six days later.
In my young mind, I connected that pink shirt to his death. From then on, anything pink reminded me of that loss, so I avoided it completely. Anger became my shield, and if anyone asked why I hated pink, I would simply say, “I just don’t like it. It’s not my thing.” Over time, my fear and sadness got buried under layers of anger and avoidance.
The turning point came unexpectedly during a work trip. I had forgotten my towel, so my colleague, Victor, kindly bought one for me. To my horror, it was pink — the same shade as that shirt. I lost it!
The poor chauffeur who delivered the towel became the target of my outburst. I yelled at him, though he was only following instructions. Then, still fuming, I stormed over to Victor’s room. His calm, humorous response jolted me. I suddenly realised: “This isn’t about him. It’s about YOU!”
I apologised profusely and retreated to my room, determined to confront my demons. That night, I held a self-therapy session (I DO NOT recommend this unless you’re trained and have the capacity for it). It was exhausting, but it opened my eyes to the fact that 34 years had passed, and I had never truly grieved my father’s death. As a child, I couldn’t process the loss, so I buried it under layers of anger and indifference.
That night, I let it all out. And that was the beginning of my healing.
Time alone does not heal. Healing happens when we actively engage with the process. Without intentional mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual effort, the mere passage of time won’t bring us closer to healing. It’s the actions we take that matter.
Think of the phrase “making lemonade from lemons.” The key word here is make — it requires action. When life throws us lemons, we have choices:
- Make Lemonade: Turn a terrible situation into something beautiful. This takes skill, so you must learn and master how to turn adversity into opportunity.
- Throw Them Back: Bounce back and fight. Overcoming hardship requires mental, emotional, and even physical resilience — skills that must be developed in times of peace, and ready for use when challenges come.
- Trash Them Quickly: Keep moving forward, undeterred, like an unstoppable force. As the Igbo people say: “Odi eshi!” (Unshaken!) This also requires resilience.
- Dodge Them: Learn from others’ experiences and avoid certain pitfalls. Like Neo from The Matrix, you may not dodge perfectly, but with the right mindset, surface wounds heal quickly.
- Hold Them Tightly: Rehearse and regret the disruption until bitterness consumes you. This breeds resentment towards everything and everyone and stalls your progress.
- Do Nothing: Let the lemons hit you and bury you under the weight of inaction.
Options 1 to 4 require action. What you do determines whether you grow, stay stuck, or regress. Sometimes, we think we’ve “made lemonade,” but we’re really just buried under coping mechanisms, masked as preferences — likes and dislikes.
However, once you realise you’re buried under lemons, you can always dig yourself out.
In conclusion, time alone doesn’t heal. Time heals in motion — the motion of an individual actively seeking healing. It’s about taking conscious, intentional steps toward a better future — away from pain and toward peace, joy and contentment, despite what is out of your control.
So as you trust the process of time, keep showing up, doing the work, and staying determined. Even if the outcome isn’t exactly what you hoped for, make sure you finish strong!
Finishing strong means starting and progressing with your healing journey. Professional support can help you uncover hidden coping mechanisms, confront your emotions, and build resilience for future challenges.
If you need emotional healing, don’t hesitate to take the next step. CHAT with a Professional to guide you on your path to wholeness.
Cheers,
StephREDD